‘Accept yourself, love yourself and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down’ Roy T Bennett
This really struck a chord with me. After 41 years of marriage, 4 grown up children and the death of both my parents, I felt compelled to change things and gave myself permission to do just that. It took all of my courage and I had nowhere to go but this is what I did and how I felt:
  • Made the decision to get divorced
  • Sat down with our children to explain and let them know what was going to happen
  • Worked with my husband to do everything transparently with the help of a friend we both agreed upon
  • Got divorced online to avoid large fees with lawyers
  • Sold our house
  • Moved into a place of my own with housemates which was a good move as I never felt lonely
  • On the advice of a solicitor I secured a financial consent order to protect my assets from any future claim by my ex husband

At the beginning of the process, making the decision to divorce was a relief, no more secrets about why. My husband thought I was callous, selfish and hateful. He let it be known that he felt betrayed, frustrated and angry. The decision was mine and not his. For my part I had feelings of:

  • Guilt about leaving the marriage and ripping our family apart
  • Worried about how I was going to manage financially
  • Worried about how I could maintain my dignity and remain positive with my family and in my business
  • Grateful that my friends and children rallied round to help me pick up the pieces and establish a new base/home

The move to my own place gave me:

  • Independence
  • Calmness and security
  • A weight lifted from my shoulders
  • Hope
  • The opportunity to grieve for the loss of my marriage

Covid didn’t help of course, but I began to enrol in short courses online. I took up running and walking, part time care of my dog, caught up with friends, became a mindfulness practitioner, embraced the new virtual way of running my business. Founded Saphora Private for women experiencing life trauma. My children all supported me which meant the world to me. They remain in touch with their dad and life simply, very simply goes on.

A year on, I still have times of sheer sadness, demotivation, crying myself to sleep, thinking of what could have been, guilt for leaving my husband to face his future on his own.  But as my inspiration Maya Angelou said ‘Nothing will work, unless you do’ I am kind to myself, take my time over things, don’t let myself be bullied or pressured into things and more than anything appreciate me time. I have been lost but am open to the universe. It seems to be working.

And in faith I trust…
‘God is faithful, he will not let you be tested beyond what you can bear.
But when you are tested, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it’ – 1 Cornthians 10-13

For more tips, advice and support in going through a divorce – contact me today.

Anita Brightley-Hodges
Founder, Saphora Private